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Date: October 15, 2020

Do you believe you have the power to hold yourself back or to propel yourself forward? There are five common self-sabotage phrases, which can cause us to get in our own way. These phrases can control the actions we take or thoughts we have to purposely hold ourselves back from something, such as believing in or loving all of us. I’ll tell you the five self-sabotage phrases and how to overcome it with three easy techniques shortly.

First, let me tell you what happen to me.

 During my last year as an undergraduate student in Massachusetts, I typed messages like, “I am a failure” on my phone at 3 am all the time. Several hours later, I would wake up, delete the note from my phone, say a prayer asking God for peace and strength, and begin my day. About two days a month at 3 am, the cycle continued. I am a Black woman with southern-American roots. The Status of Black Women in the United States shows Black women reported in 2017, on average, having 4.7 days per month of poor mental health (i.e., stress, depression). Why? The report details a lack of mental health stems from many variables, such as poverty, taking care of everyone, the pressure to excel, and experiencing gender and racial based trauma daily. 

Can you imagine where it might be today? 

For me, it took me years to understand my why. I was in denial and did not have the language to express how I was doing. Until a few years ago, I realize that honesty and realness are key to building trust with yourself first and then others. I was not real with myself, nor kind to me.

How you see yourself determines how you speak to yourself. The following are common phrases shared far too often with ourselves:

  1. “I can’t do this.”
  2. “I am not good enough.”
  3. “Oh no, you did it again, you messed up.”
  4. “They don’t like what I have to say.”
  5. “I’ll share or get to it next time.”

Any of these phrases sound familiar to you? Sounds very familiar to me. 
How do you want to begin and continue to speak to you, friend?
I asked myself this same question when I began my conscious self-love journey a few years ago and still do today. Little by little, I started to acknowledge when I was ready, the negative thoughts either before they formed or after, and countered those thoughts with opposite messages.

I am not enough; became I am enough. I went to therapy because therapy is awesome. I fell in love with the ocean, wrote one of my master’s thesis on Radical Self-Love, and on August 27, 2018, at 3:32 am, my last early morning note to myself was titled, “New Attitude.” This note consisted of 21 messages that affirmed where I was, where I had been, and where I was going. A true shift of always seeing me in a negative light to a healthy light had begun.
So, the three techniques to overcome the five phrases or any common negative phrase you speak into your life that’s held you back or holding you back are below: 

1.  Pause and breathe 

  • There’s a tendency to forget the power of intentional breathing with a few deep breaths inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Intentional breathing is to become aware of each inhale and exhale to recenter and meet yourself where you are at the moment with kindness at the forefront. 

2.   Awareness and acknowledgment

  • Become aware of the common phrases you say to yourself that do not make you feel good after speaking or thinking it.
  • When you are ready, jot down those common phrases and reflect.
  • Write or speak words to you that brings you joy and allows you to speak to yourself in healthy ways. 

Try this! I acknowledge where I am, and I know...

Say This:

  • “I can do this."
  • “I am good enough.”
  • “I had an oops moment, it's okay. I will learn and grow from it.” 
  • “What I have to say is a value-add, and I cannot control what others think of me.”
  • “I’ll share and get to it now.”

Instead Of:

  • “I can’t do this.”
  • “I am not good enough.”
  • “Oh no, I did it again, I messed up.
  • “They don’t like what I have to say.”             
  • “I’ll share or get to it next time.”

3.  Consciously speak to yourself in healthy ways daily

  • We owe speaking love, light, and life into ourselves. We are deserving and worthy of doing so. It takes a daily conscious effort to choose to pour love into yourself first, and then care for others, friend.

Self-sabotage is real, imposter syndrome is real, and the feeling of inferiority is real. Negative thoughts will come, but when it comes, how should we handle those in healthy ways? 

Self-Love Affirmations helped me begin to speak to myself in healthy ways and may help you too. 

You are probably thinking, "where can I find healthy self-love affirmations?" 

Well, I am glad you asked.

You can find many sources for healthy affirmations, on the web. Just do a quick search. 

However, you can get my 30 Self-Love Affirmation Slides and Audio for free, which stems from the 21 messages I wrote to myself at 3:32 am.

Just click the button below and complete the form.

I highly encourage you to make visible an affirmation on your phone or stickie that resonates with you. 

Much love and light, friend!



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